Mental gymnastics
The curious logic of Erica Stanford
I thought I would introduce some entertainment to start today's musings. Australia's cultural attache Les Patterson when asked how he coped with the fame afforded him by other famous people launched into memories of his friend Joan Collins. He regaled of how beautiful she was and that she wore perfume. When asked what she put behind her ears to attract men he took a swig of whiskey and rejoined ‘her ankles!’
Moving quickly onwards. I listened to Q&A and discovered that Erica Stanford has THE most amazing facility to enact gymnastics of a most heroic nature, although in this instance it is mental gymnastics.
This is the individual who as shadow minister for education boldly claimed that the whole New Zealand curriculum could be re-written by her in just two weeks. Since gaining the education portfolio seven months ago the country still waits with baited breath for her tour de force. What she has instructed all schools to enforce and how in reality this will play out is the premise for my accolade.
Cell phones are now banned in schools! Never mind that these tools correctly used are portals to the most comprehensive and varied sources of information at the press of a button. Nor that a cell phone is a multifunctional device and it's computer capacity alone would have been the envy of NASA’s Apollo program. No in Erica’s world the cell phone is the hand of beelzebub and must be cast out. However what Ms Stanford is definitely promoting is the three R's Reedin, Ritin, and Rithmatic, spelling not so much! Along side all this Erica is darn cross that there is no standard curriculum for teachers to work from, only vague woke competencies. For Erica devolution of curriculum focus in the hands of individual schools is what's letting our country slide down the world tables of achievement levels and it’s making her very cross! Nothing new here really, since standardization and testing were the brain child of one Hekia Parata under a previous National education iteration. I seem to recall that this particular ‘dog’ of an idea saw many, if not all, primary teachers spending more time testing, marking, and filling out forms than actually preparing rich learning programs for children. Precisely what Erica keeps demanding. So no mixed messages here.
It’s about here that Ms Stanford’s first demonstration of metal gymnastics reveals itself. No cell phone bans nor three R’s in charter schools, and her position regarding ‘devolution’is magically turned on its head. Less than three minutes ago argued as a cardinal sin akin to bringing back caning, miraculously for charter schools it is now to be applauded as the best thing since sliced bread, or multi functional devices! Yes in charter schools plurality of curriculum, learning techniques, and focus are all the rage, indeed if one can bear to listen to this born again devolutionist you'd be lead to believe that within charter schools the road to El Dorado is to be discovered as the pinnacle of learning best practice. She is so enthused by the idea that punishment for those charter schools who do not provide her with her ‘pot of gold’ (pun intended) will be re-integration within the state school straightjacket! (What an extraordinary slight, given the hard work of every one involved in state education. although this irony would be completely lost on Erica)
The next tricky summersault, exquisitely performed concerns Erica's stance on absenteeism. 90% attendance rates are to be de rigeur, and thanks to nasty David Seymour, parents will be shamed into sending their sick children into school. After all, high agregate attendance league tables are far more important than childrens welfare. Meanwhile, as a result of sickness, there are schools across the motu who are having to roster kids and classes home, or shut down altogether, because of staff illness and subsequent absenteeism. As a retired teacher of 40 years the worse place to be is in a class room with sick kids, avoiding illness is virtually impossible. Flu vaccinations were a must, as are Covid these days, although apparently the incidence of teachers falling over with long Covid is growing all the time….surprise, surprise! So the takeaway here is teachers and children's health are collectively being thrown under the bus in favour of high attendance league tables, and the correlation between sick kids in schools, and the massive attrition rates of teaching staff being similarly infected is to be ignored because Erica says she doesn't have a silver bullet to fix it! Quite strange really given her exuberance regarding everything else in her portfolio.
Finally I simply can't ignore the recent news that Murry McCully has been retained by Erica on a consultancy fee of $2200…… P.E.R. D.A.Y.!!!!! Because he's the right man for the job Erica has in mind for him. No matter that he was her boss and she spent 4 years in his office when Murray was a minister.
So in my book if there were gold medals to be awarded for mental contortionism, involving contradicting in almost the same breath a position one has just stated as a given, or wilfully ignoring issues of cronyism, false logic and flawed argument, then ,’The Honourable Erica Stanford’ wins them all hands down.
